Thanks, Nikki

Sometimes in life there are some books, some phrases, or some stories that just stick with you. This was a case of that but I hadn’t realized it would have stuck with me like it did. I found myself remembering snippets of what I read when I was in a conversation at work or while I was in line listening to the people behind me.

So what is this book? Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is my go-to book I recommend to people. Whether it’s a coworker, a entrepreneur, or a little cousin — it’s a versatile book with information I feel like would be good to know.

Since the book isn’t specifically about business or helping yourself, I feel like it can apply to anyone that talks to other people. Just being aware of the techniques have given me insight on how conversations work and flow. It’s changed how to view tone body language from other people and myself. Although the author, Chris Voss, may be writing this from his FBI background viewpoint, it’s oddly very relatable.

Sometimes I like to write thoughts and things I learned down while reading a book. It gives me my own highlights that may or may not have been the main points. Here, let me share a little with you:

1. How to say no while getting a yes
2. Creating a win-win situation
3. Be confident in how the message is conveyed, even if you yourself are not confident
4. Create the world and scenario to get someone to where you want them to go
5. Tone can matter just as much as the message itself

Notable highlights from the book:

I like to have key points of the book easily accessible for reference whenever I feel like I need a refresher — without reading the whole book again.

• Tactical Empathy: Voss emphasizes the importance of understanding the other party’s perspective. By recognizing their feelings and needs, you can build rapport and trust, which boosts your confidence in negotiations.
• Mirroring: This technique involves repeating the last few words your counterpart has said. It helps create connection and encourages them to share more, making you feel more in control of the conversation.
• Labeling Emotions: Acknowledging the other person’s emotions can diffuse tension. Phrases like “It seems like you’re feeling…” can validate their feelings and lead to a more constructive dialogue, reinforcing your confidence.
• The Power of “No”: Voss teaches that hearing “no” can actually be beneficial, as it provides clarity and a sense of safety. Embracing “no” can help you approach negotiations with a more relaxed and confident mindset.
• Calibrated Questions: These open-ended questions, like “How am I supposed to do that?” shift the burden of solving a problem onto the other party. This technique empowers you and makes negotiations feel more collaborative.
• The 7-38-55 Rule: Voss explains that communication is made up of words (7%), tone (38%), and body language (55%). Being aware of these elements can enhance your confidence in conveying your message effectively.
• Bargaining with the Ackerman Model: This systematic approach to bargaining can help you feel more prepared and confident in negotiations, as it provides a clear framework for making offers and counteroffers.
• The “Black Swan” Concept: Identifying hidden information that can change the dynamics of a negotiation allows you to be more strategic and confident. Being aware of potential surprises prepares you to adapt and thrive.

I find myself remembering tidbits as I have conversations through the day, especially during work. Work is where I can to exude confidence and stay professional. My tone naturally goes down, my “yeas” turn into “yes”, and I remind myself to not talk to full up the space of quiet. That last part is huge.

I still love the book and can’t recommend it enough. It’s good in audio book format as well if you want something to listen to on your commute. Pick it up easily on Amazon or in a bookstore!

Let me know if you like these reviews and I’ll keep giving you my favorites.